Crying into the Void over someone I don't even know...

[amypond45]

When Jared's tweets came in last night at about 9:30 my time all I could think was it's like 2:30 in the morning in Europe and Jared is crying out for help and it hit so hard I don't know how to express it. So I followed tweets for awhile until I was just too exhausted and teary-eyed to think, and then woke up again at 4:00 a.m. to check my twitter feed again and listen to Jensen sing "Sweet Home Alabama" and ask myself, okay, this is a person I've never met. I get why I cry about the characters, but why am I crying over this person I don't even know? Could someone please explain this to me? Cuz I'm a wreck. Yes, I sent tweets to him because ONLY THE MOST HARD-HEARTED MONSTER COULD RESIST THAT PLEA! Now I just need to vent because these emotions are stronger than they should be and my brain is telling me I'm a complete idiot but my heart is just sobbing.

Thanks for letting me vent, world!

Comments

[smalltrolven.livejournal.com]

I swear I could have written this post. Same here bb. I've never met them either, but they're both just so important to me, and I guess maybe I'm over-invested, no, I know I am. But the show, and following them as people too, gets me through the bad stuff, you know? So hearing that one of them is experiencing something maybe similar or close to what I struggle with really moves me. Feel a weird connection that I couldn't possibly explain. Seeing Jensen's near-tears while singing Sweet Home Alabama really got to me.
Sending you a virtual hug.

[amypond45.livejournal.com]

I think writing about them all the time makes them seem more real, and writing a J2 story right now where Jared is depressed is just frickin' weird. I'm feeling guilty, like I'm doing something wrong, which is bizarre in so many ways I can't get my head around it! I've struggled with depression too (who hasn't?!) so it's near and dear to my heart to write a character who's suffering with it, and of course it's just coincidence that this happened to Jared, but I still feel MISERABLE, like it's somehow my fault or something. I know, that's just the crazy talking, but it's hard to shake!

[deezy-y.livejournal.com]

I just read your post and looked him up on Twitter. I feel absolutely horrible for him. Yeah, I don't know him, except for the limited contact that cons provide, but he seems like such a wonderful guy; with a smile that could light up a room. Thinking of him so sad makes my heart hurt. So yeah, I totally get where you're coming from.

[amypond45.livejournal.com]

I know -- the sunshine and kindness just radiates off the man. It's hard to imagine him depressed, but now that he's confessed to that publicly, I'm so grateful to him for de-stigmatizing such a common yet misunderstood illness. He's a really wonderful human being and I feel so sad for him right now!

[deezy-y.livejournal.com]

I absolutely agree with everything you've said. I also admire his courage for confessing it publicly, because that cannot be easy. It's difficult enough talking to your loved ones about it. I'm just hoping that fan support and sending him good thoughts is helping some. I definitely wish that I could give him a bear hug.

[amypond45.livejournal.com]

Same! His courage is such an inspiration. I STILL can't tallk about my own depression with my family -- I always feel like I have to be so strong! He's a real inspiration.

[deezy-y.livejournal.com]

He definitely is! Trust me, I know how hard it is and I'm here if you ever need to vent, *hugs*

[steeplechasers.livejournal.com]

gurl, i feel you. i was so stressed out and anxious for him all last night and this morning to the point where i felt sick. everything seems to be okay, i know jensen has been checking in on him periodically and he's at home with gen and the tots, which is good. but it still feels awful to care so much about someone you don't (or barely) know and not be able to offer them comfort when they really need it beyond a message they may or may not see.

(especially horrible when he and i suffer the same illness, and i know what it's like, and to think of him feeling that KILLS me.)

[hugs]

[amypond45.livejournal.com]

It is this. It's such a helpless feeling. And I'm embarrassed to be so invested in this man I don't even know. I mean, I'm an educated, reasonable human being who knows the difference between fiction and reality, and up to now I've been able to keep from feeling anything toward J & J except appreciation for their portrayal of Sam & Dean, and enjoyment of posted vids and pics of their public appearances. But for some reason, this just devastated me. I guess it pushed the buttons where I've kept my own depression hidden for so many years, and having him just come out and admit to it, then to tweet so openly and honestly of his need for help, bringing this issue front and foremost to so many people...it's just way beyond moving to me.

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Bb, we love him, we love them all, and we *do* know them, they're in our hearts. That's knowing them, so you will feel like this and it's perfectly normal! *hugs*

[amypond45.livejournal.com]

I love this – "they're in our hearts." That's how it feels...It's definitely NOT rational!

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

It's not remotely rational, but they are in our hearts and as much as it sounds crazy, I'd rather be a girl who can have love and compassion for someone she barely knows but adores than someone who's incapable of any kind of thought for someone who needs it. It's good thing we're like this, it makes us more human :)